A serving of fun, with just a pinch of my heart...

I am very tired tonight after experiencing the joy of running around Port Au Prince ALL day. Grandma sent some $ for a gift and the babes and I set out early to see what treasures we could find. We ended up with a soccer ball, a dart gun, a musical drum/shaker/tambourine set, and pop beads. :-) Mommy got a little set of 4 coffee/tea cups with saucers (if you know me, you know my PASSION with tea cups and having coffee ready for visitors) and the icing on the cake?!
                                                     !!!!!!!!PILLOWS!!!!!!
We have managed to live two months without them and I had finally pinched enough to get us each a plumpy pillow. The kids were excited to sleep "American style" as Adam put it, and I am anxious to lay my weary head on my own new pillow. A spiderman top sheet that we brought with us from the states will soon be cut and hand stitched into four  pillowcases. We are very happy Barlows.

I was able to drive around all morning while with the babes under the instruction of a Haitian driver. After our shopping I came home and met our wonderful Tender, Asaline, and the babes settled down to play the rainy afternoon away. It is so good to see how treasured and joyfully used new toys can be when they are the only ones in the house. We brought several cars and legos for the boys, but they were stolen while we were living at the Guest house waiting for our own safe place to lock up. CarolAnne made it with one baby doll, but lost her barbies there as well. I am not altogether sorry for our loss there. Some little child is playing with our lost toys, I am sure. And now we have the fun of starting over again. :-)

After I left the kids I headed back to Abe's work on the other side all by myself. I am somewhat proud of that accomplishment. I only made 2 wrong turns which is a blessing considering EVERY street corner looks alike! Abe and I were able to get some frusia le creme on the way home and even managed to have a real conversation while driving through the rain and flooded streets. (It has been raining a lot lately)

After returning home I drew the short straw and drove Asaline home. It gave me some time to use the radio and who should I find floating through the waves than Tenth Avenue North and Matt Redmond. Such a blessing to my weary heart! You see, I have had terrible trouble lately dealing with anger and resentment towards a few people in my life, both here in Haiti AND back at home. Oh, I keep it quiet and try to show grace and love but deep inside, I know the bitter gall that wells up in my soul when ever I think about certain circumstances and things that have occurred and been said. I have been struggling and praying about this so much. And do you know...the song that played as soon as I turned on the radio (I honestly did not even know we had a Christian English station here!) Was Tenth Ave North's Losing. A few of the lyrics are as follows:

I can't believe what she said

I can't believe what he did

Oh, don't they know it's wrong?

Don't they know it's wrong?

Maybe there's something I missed

But how could they treat me like this?

It's wearing out my heart

The way they disregard

This is love, this is hate...

We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?

They don't know what they've been doing

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them

'Cause I feel like the one losing

Well it's only the dead that can live

But still I wrestle with this

To lose the pain that's mine

Seventy times seven times

'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right

For me to turn a blind eye

Though I guess it's not that much

When I think of what You've done.

We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down!


Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losing
I feel like I've been losing

There. It spoke to my heart, and if any of you saw the crazy white woman wiping her eyes while driving down the bumpy mess of a road that is Frerre with music on so loud you could feel it, thank you for not staring too much. :-)

Have a blessed night. 

<3 Ellie